This kind of love (journal entry)

As a fellow writer and a reader of her work, I can't help but to think of Ssamba, the author of Fluttering Feelings.

Some people probably think how lonely it must be to die young, while having devoted her last years to a project she wasn't able to finish at all.

It must be tough, and painful. And she probably did get lonely sometimes, but more than that, I knew she was extremely happy to be able to do what she wanted to do.

At that age, regardless of her human relationships, she had found love. The kind she, too, had known and understood. The kind one had to fight for.

If I could talk to my younger self today, I would tell her a path less taken would never be easy. It may sound exciting, but you should be ready when you fall.

It's easy to say I'm going to write until the day I die. But in reality, I have to survive first before that.

It has become a constant struggle between doing what I love and doing something else for money.

I love expressing my craft that I can't make myself do something entirely different for a long period of time.

A lot of times I have to sacrifice one, and I'm stubborn enough to follow my heart.

I haven't always been good at life hacks, and I'm pretty dull when it comes to the real world that it has become a huge boulder that I try to push out of my way.

But no matter how I try, I can't seem to get rid of it completely.

But what can I do?

This is something I feel strongly about.

I know it's something that I have to do.

It's something I want to hold onto even in the midst of uncertainty.

It's something that I want to pursue, even if it might not bear fruit in the end.

It's something that I choose to do every day, and won't regret.

There are days when it gets difficult, but it's okay.
It makes my day.

It's something that makes me happy.

It's something that makes me get up in the morning, and makes me stay up at night.

Even writing this makes me smile.

It's right when they say one cannot only find love in people (human relationships).

In that case, I indeed have found love.

And slowly, I'm getting to know how to deal with this kind of love, more, and more each day.

One day, if anything happens, then I would be happy and proud of myself.

I have known what love is.