of solitaire & hearts (journal entry)

The first time I remember hearing Debussy’s Clair de lune and Tchaikovsky’s Dance of the Sugar-Plum Fairy was during games of Solitaire, Hearts, and FreeCell with my sister in the old desktop computer at home.

It was her idea to play classical music whenever she uses the computer. I wasn’t even sure if she herself liked it or if it was influenced by her peers in high school. I didn’t mind either way though, like when I didn’t mind her suddenly playing Unchained Melody in the stereo because one of her close friends had a liking for old songs, she shared. I have liked Barry Manilow even before and played CDs and cassette tapes with Abba, Fra Lippo Lippi, and Rick Astley in the covers by myself; even before her oldies choice phase had its run. I had a fair time with instrumentals and piano collection (one was enclosed in a cracked plastic casing) serenading the living room even when she started her pop hits craze and boyband album fresh from the stores.

Soon, our desktop computer had become loaded too with new games that require longer screen time, more complex strategies, and deft senses. They were indeed entertaining and I got to get my hands on them as well when she wasn’t around. It was fun and both of us hadn’t looked back to the old pre-installed games we had worn our hearts out with when we were younger. I guess it’s always like that; kids get bored and leave the old for new ways to entertain themselves. When I got older, I caught a habit of snooping around the computer (and other places), checking unfamiliar files and settings, curious on what I might discover, and because I already knew how.

My sister and I had found our inner digital artist selves and got hooked on Paint for quite a while. We had our own folders of our artworks and I named mine after my nickname in caps lock. My only goal at that time was to beat her. It fed my pride whenever I did better than her in the arts. I guess in some ways I did, why couldn’t I when I was the only one left in the field. And soon enough, she had shifted her focus to colored pens, gel pens, and glitters. Thankfully, I didn’t feel the same. I didn’t find a reason to follow suit.

Sometimes I remember what my sister and I used to do when things were simpler, when we still shared something in common. There was a time when I was the only one using the computer (because she had already moved out for college) and opened the Music directory to find the mp3 files still there. That’s when I learned the name of each classical piece, but only managed to remember the favorite ones. I played the familiar tunes, setting them on repeat in the media player, just like she used to do back then. And I stayed there and listened.

(Written: 18Dec2019)

Author's Note:

I was feeling nostalgic when I wrote this. I just got back to listening to classical music last year and that's when I remembered my childhood all of a sudden--with my sister in particular. I thought how nice it could be if we get to be open with each other, and understand each other despite our differences. I hope there would come a time like that.